By Glenn Newman

Brian was the first friend I made when I moved to San Francisco. When Ellen and I arrived here by car from Florida, he and Laurie gave us their couch to sleep on for weeks and weeks in their tiny little one bedroom apartment on 19th Avenue. He opened his heart and his life to me that very first day and he never stopped opening his life and his heart to me, in all the days that passed since.

We were there for the birth of each other’s children.   I’ll never forget when Jilian was born.   Laurie wanted to have a home birth and a few of us were asked to be there to help.   My sister was there and Ellen was there and when things did not go according to plan, we had to rush Laurie across town to San Francisco General, holding the oxygen tank and Laurie simultaneously.   Brian was amazing. I learned so much from him that night,    

So, when Laurie asked me to speak here today, and I started to think about all my experiences of Brian and what I would say, I wondered how I would condense the last 25 years of friendship into a short eulogy.   And then one word kept coming up for me.

The word was Mensch.   

If you don’t speak Yiddish, a mensch roughly means "a good person." But when I looked up the definition last night, I found it means much more that just a good person.    A "mensch" is "a stand-up guy," a person with the qualities one would hope for in a dear friend or trusted colleague.   A mensch is someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.

That is exactly how I would describe Brian.   A Good Person.   A Stand Up Guy.   A person that was a dear friend to me and everybody here – someone I admired, emulated and someone of noble character.   He had dignity and had a clear and amazing sense of what was right.

Brian radiated the kind of fundamental decency and firmness of purpose that indeed qualified him as a mensch.

Another word that kept coming up for me to describe Brian was integrity.   Integrity is something that some people have to work very hard at.    But Brian came by Integrity naturally.   When I looked up the definition of Integrity, it said, moral soundness and ethical strength - the quality of being honest.    That sounded like Brian to me too!   Who was more ethically strong or morally sound than Brian?    He had a way of cutting to the truth and often he did it without even speaking a word.   All he had to do was give you that look.   If you knew Brian, you know the look I’m talking about.

The third word that kept coming up for me when I thought of Brian was hero.    A hero is defined as a person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has sacrificed his or her life.

Brian sacrificed his life every day.    In SO many ways.   He sacrificed his life for his family and his friends.   He ALWAYS put his family first.

Nothing came before Laurie, Dana and Jilian.   He loved you guys so much.

He was an EVERYDAY hero.   He was my everyday hero and he was your everyday hero.   He did the important quiet things that hero’s are made of.

He showed up.   He cooked fabulous dinners for his family and friends and often people he did not even know.  He played great music and laughed and liked to watch sports with his friends.   He made people around him feel good.   He did the laundry, he washed the dishes, he washed the floors, he mowed the lawn, he planted the garden, he remodeled his house. He cooked the food, he went to his kid’s ball games, and he went to my kids’ ball games.   And he did it all so quietly.   He did it with a mellow ease and grace.

Personally speaking, he showed up for my kids like nobody else did.   He came to both Zack and Max’s baseball and basketball games and birthday parties year after year after year.    He played music with Zack, even when Zack could barely play.   He did it because he cared.   He did it because he loved them and he knew he could make a difference by showing up.    He was a huge influence to both Zack and Max and they are who they are today in part because of Brian’s influence.   The night Brian passed, Max was found asleep holding a picture of Brian and a hat Brian gave him that said the Man, the Myth and the Legend.    My last memory of Brian will be of him coming to Max’s high school baseball game.   Showing up as he always did quietly with humor and grace. This is the stuff hero’s are made of.   This was my buddy Brian.   

The final word that I thought of when I thinking about Brian was heart.   I didn’t bother looking up the definition of this word.   I didn’t have to.   If I did, I probably would have seen a picture of Brian.   It’s ironic to me that a man with such a HUGE heart – one that would define him in life, would also be taken by it in death.

Feelings born from Brian's death reach very deep.   That depth is illuminated by what Brian cast in life, a light that represents so many things good, healthy, balanced, and important.   A light with the power to move people in ways that are good and positive - those of us here who love him should allow the depths of our feelings to strengthen our resolve in life, whatever that means for each us who loves him.

Thank you, Brian, my friend, my hero, for your integrity, for your heart, and for being such a mensch.